This is the third in a series of blogs about self-compassion, which focuses on self-compassion tools. As a therapist, I can honestly say, in my experience, that it is one of the best practices available - based on many years of solid scientific research. It can make a huge difference…
This is the second in a series of blogs about self-compassion, and asks the question: how self-compassionate are you? Most of us have a harsh self critic who sits on our shoulder, observing and telling us where we are going wrong - “Why on earth did you say that? What…
In her popular book, Self-Compassion, psychologist Kristin Neff, Ph.D., describes how she used years of research to develop a simple model of self-compassion with three elements of learning to be kind to yourself. Self compassion isn’t a practice that we do naturally - in fact we are much more likely…
This is part of a series of blogs which look at patterns of communication in relationships. Some common, but unhealthy patterns include being openly confrontational, avoiding conflict, being passive and being passive aggressive. This includes all our relationships, not just with romantic partners. What is meant by being passive? Being…
This is part of a series of blogs about communication in relationships. My previous blog looked at four common ways of handling conflict and this focuses on competitive confrontation. What does this mean? Competitive confrontation is a common response to conflict. It describes our behaviour when we are forceful and…
This is part of a series of blogs about communication - focusing on the ways people handle conflict, more specifically, conflict avoidance. People who are conflict avoidant avoid addressing that conflict AT ALL COSTS! They are experts at changing the subject, focusing exclusively on the positives, ignoring a problem or…
This is part of a series of blogs looking at communication and conflict in relationships. This blog looks at managing anger in relationships in ways that prevent communication from breaking down. Research by John Gottman and his team (see link below) pinpoints destructive anger as being one of the biggest…
My previous blogs looked at the findings from relationship research carried out by Dr John Gottman and what he calls “the four horsemen”: these are patterns of behaviour which accurately predict relationship breakdown: criticism and contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Gottman also put forward what he termed the antidotes to the…
My previous blogs looked at the findings from relationship research carried out by Dr John Gottman and what he calls “the four horsemen”: these are patterns of behaviour which accurately predict relationship breakdown: criticism and contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Gottman also put forward what he termed the antidotes to the…
This is a follow on from my previous blog on the relationship research carried out by Dr John Gottman and what he calls “the four horsemen”. My previous blog looked at criticism and contempt, this blog looks at the other two horsemen, defensiveness and stonewalling. Gottman’s work has helped us…
Among the most important and well known of relationship expert John Gottman’s findings is a set of communication habits humorously dubbed "The Four Horsemen” (from the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse who herald the end of the world!!). These are criticism and contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. This blog looks…
Why does communication seem to work beautifully at times and fail miserably at others? When communication breaks down, it’s often because the patterns and habits of how we communicate — our communication styles — get in the way. Understanding different communication styles can radically improve the quality of our relationships. Research…