Criticism and contempt

Among the most important and well known of relationship expert John Gottman’s findings is a set of communication habits humorously dubbed "The Four Horsemen” (from the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse who herald the end of the world!!). These are criticism and contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. This blog looks…

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Communication Styles

Why does communication seem to work beautifully at times and fail miserably at others? When communication breaks down, it’s often because the patterns and habits of how we communicate — our communication styles — get in the way.  Understanding different communication styles can radically improve the quality of our relationships. Research…

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Communication

Wired for connection Communication is more than just a way to express our thoughts and feelings. It’s a basic human need that helps us connect with others. As Brene Brown says, “Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to…

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Scapegoating

What is scapegoating? Scapegoating within families is rarely talked about but many of my clients have described this process in their families.  What exactly does it mean? Well, in ancient tribal societies, a goat was chosen to represent the group’s collective sins to appease an angry god. By casting the…

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A Toxic Family

A Perfect Family? What do people mean when they say they have a toxic family ? Toxic families tend to have well-established patterns of bullying, discrimination, manipulation, even physical, emotional or verbal abuse.  The dynamics of a toxic family affect most of its members, making their lives miserable. Family shapes…

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