Grief and Loss

The word “grief” is often linked with bereavement. But grief and loss can show up in all kinds of places: the end of a relationship, a good friendship, a job, a diagnosis, a version of yourself or your life that you had to leave behind.

Grief is a very human condition. Any time we suffer a loss, it’s the most normal thing in the world to have feelings of grief. We live in a world where no one escapes suffering, disappointment and loss. None of us is exempt from pain, illness and death – both in relation to ourselves and in relation to people we love.

Despite the fact that none of us is going to escape grief and loss, we tend not to talk about it and we often have little understanding of it until we are suddenly thrown into it. Especially in today’s world, we tend to attempt to keep grief separated from our lives and only begrudgingly acknowledge its presence in the most obvious of times.

What does grief feel like?

When we grieve, we can be overwhelmed by a variety of different emotions and feelings in our body. Grief is different for everyone and it can affect one person in different ways at different stages. Similarly everyone deals with grief in their own unique way.

Grief is a powerful emotional and physical reaction to the loss of someone or something. It is characterised by deep feelings of sadness and sorrow, and in the case of losing someone we loved, often by a powerful yearning or longing to be with that person again. Other effects of grief include feeling numb and empty, as if there is no meaning to anything, or being annoyed at ourselves for how we are feeling compared to how we ‘should’ be dealing with things. We might feel angry that our loved one has gone and left us behind. We might have regrets or beat ourselves up – what I should have done or said? Perhaps others are expecting us to be moving on and this is making us feel worse. We may also be worried that we will never feel better, that we will not be able to cope, or that we simply can’t go on. We might feel angry that others who were close to the person, are grieving in a different way to us, perhaps seeming to be less affected than we are, or demanding too much of us in terms of giving them comfort.

Grief often feels like it comes in waves that can initially feel intense and overwhelming. These waves of grief can feel like they come out of nowhere, or can be triggered when you are reminded of the person you lost. When you first lose someone, it can feel as though you are constantly being hit by enormous waves of grief – sometimes so close together that it feels as though you hardly come up for air between them. With time, the size of the waves tends to lessen, with larger gaps in between waves. As the weeks, months, and years pass by you will experience many ‘firsts’ as you navigate life without your loved one – your first dinner out, your first supermarket trip, your first birthday without them. In each of these moments it will be natural to feel their absence, and for waves of grief to be triggered again.

All feelings are NORMAL

So, a whole range of thoughts, feelings and behaviours – all of which are absolutely normal. Powerful feelings of grief and loss are so normal and natural that they are usually not given a ‘diagnosis’ like other conditions such as anxiety or depression. There is no right way to grieve, and unfortunately, no quick fix. Although there are no short-cuts, there are things you can do to help yourself along the way. This is a difficult journey, and treating yourself kindly can support you along the way.

If you are experiencing grief and loss and are looking for compassionate support, give me a call:

Book a counselling session today!