This is the second in a series of articles about my favourite psychology books, Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life by Risk and Forrest Hanson. I came across Rick Hanson many years ago, via his books – he was known primarily as a teacher of mindfulness from both Buddhist and scientific standpoints. But his Internet presence, both on his own and with his adult son Forrest is especially good.  Both have a warm, gentle manner where you feel as though they are talking directly to you,  made for videos and podcasts!  Rick is a neuropsychologist, known especially for his work on the brain’s ability to change and learn, often referred to as neuroplasticity. Forrest is a coach, a speaker, a blogger on mental health topics – a writer and content creator.

Resilience is co-authored by both father and son and probably my favourite of all Hanson’s books. It is a deeply insightful guide to building emotional strength and psychological resources – not just theoretical but full of concrete suggestions, experiential practices, personal examples, and insights into the brain. It also includes chapters on the interpersonal – effective ways to interact with others and to repair and deepen important relationships.

Scientific Foundation

As mentioned above, the book draws on research about neuroplasticity—how the brain changes based on what we focus on. Hanson argues that resilience is not a fixed trait, it’s not something we are born with, but a definable set of skills and traits that anyone can build, regardless of past trauma or hardship. 

Very like the book How to Master Anxiety by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell I wrote about in my previous blog, they write from the basis that resilience is built from the inside out. This means that rather than trying to control external circumstances of our lives, we can develop internal traits (grit, compassion, gratitude, and confidence) that allow us to handle adversity, recover from setbacks, and maintain a sense of well-being no matter what life throws at us. 

They have identified what they describe as the twelve key traits that make up resilience, as follows:

The Twelve Strengths of Resilience

These twelve essential strengths, each correspond to a chapter and are grouped into four categories: Recognise, Resource, Regulate, and Relate. 

Recognise involves identifying your needs, your vulnerabilities, and available outer (e.g., friends, work, money) and inner resources (e.g., resilience, compassion). Resource means to actively nurture and grow these inner and outer strengths to build a strong foundation for life. Regulate involves managing your emotional responses by using your resources to return to a state of calm, peace, and strength, rather than succumbing to reactive states:

1. Compassion (Recognise)

They say that compassion for yourself and others is the starting point of resilience. It grounds you in caring, helps you accept your vulnerabilities, and builds motivation to grow. They also show how to recognise your own suffering without judgment and how to extend this same kindness to others.

2. Mindfulness (Recognise)

Mindfulness—the capacity to stay present and aware—is key to recognising what’s happening inside and around you. It creates a pause between stimulus and response, allowing you to respond wisely rather than react automatically.

3. Learning (Recognise)

The ability to learn from experience—especially from failure or pain—is a cornerstone of growth. They emphasise being open to feedback, cultivating a growth mindset (which will be the focus of a future blog!), and using the HEAL method (described below) to internalise useful experiences.

4. Grit (Resource)

Grit combines passion and perseverance. It’s about sticking with your goals even when things get tough. They discuss strategies to build grit, such as setting clear intentions, breaking goals into manageable steps, and rewarding yourself for effort, not just outcomes.

5. Gratitude (Resource)

Gratitude helps counteract negativity and builds a lasting sense of contentment. They encourage practices like journaling, reflecting on small blessings, and expressing appreciation to others to shift attention away from lack and toward abundance.

6. Confidence (Resource)

Confidence is the belief that you can handle life’s challenges. It’s not arrogance but trust in your own capacity. They look at ways to develop confidence by recalling past successes, challenging self-doubt, and practicing self-affirmation.

7. Calm (Regulate)

Staying calm in stressful situations is a powerful form of strength. This chapter offers techniques for soothing the nervous system, such as breathing exercises, progressive relaxation, and visualising a safe place.

8. Motivation (Regulate)

Motivation is what keeps us moving forward. They teach how to connect with intrinsic motivation, set meaningful goals, and manage energy so you don’t burn out.

9. Intimacy (Regulate)

Looking at our interpersonal skills and relationships, this chapter shows how healthy emotional intimacy allows us to connect deeply with others. It involves both vulnerability and boundaries and how to foster closeness through empathy, authenticity, and active listening.

10. Courage (Relate)

Courage enables us to face fears and take wise risks. This chapter emphasises the difference between reactive fear and responsive bravery. Courage doesn’t mean having no fear—it means acting despite it.

11. Aspiration (Relate)

Aspiration involves dreaming big while staying grounded. It’s the drive to grow, improve, and contribute. They explore how to set inspiring yet realistic goals and how to stay connected to your sense of purpose.

12. Generosity (Relate)

Generosity expands your sense of connection and meaning. It’s not just about giving things—it’s about offering time, attention, and goodwill. They show how being generous supports both personal happiness and stronger communities.

The HEAL Process

Central to the book is what they call the HEAL framework—a four-step process for internalising positive experiences and building lasting inner strengths, as follows:

1. Have a beneficial experience.

    

2. Enrich it by staying with the experience and making it more intense.

    

3. Absorb it, letting it sink in and become part of you.

    

4. Link positive material to negative material to rewire your brain over time (optional and advanced).

This process is based on the neuroscience of learning and memory, specifically the principle that “neurons that fire together wire together.” They emphasise that because of our brain’s negativity bias—its tendency to focus more on threats than opportunities—we must consciously take in the good to build inner strengths.

For More Information:

Watch Rick and Forrest Hanson discussing the topics in their book  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zDldxD2Nj4 The (real secret) to Emotional Resilience 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7jvUpgTIAc   Resilient Well-being interview Rick Hanson and Dr Mark Williamson 

https://rickhanson.com/writings/just-one-thing-simple-practices/   Rick Hanson’s website full of helpful information and resources

See also: Books, videos and podcasts, How to Master Anxiety, What is Resilience?