Relationships and Dating – the Curse of the Dating App
Dating apps and websites are supposed to make the whole process of relationships and dating easier. But is this really the case? For many people in today’s Dating Game, technology is the leading culprit in miscommunication, hurt feelings, and unrealistic expectations.
On the plus side, having lots of choices can help you choose someone who fits your wants and needs but on the minus side, it can also have the opposite effect if you want to eventually settle into a relationship. Common rules of courtesy often go by the wayside – people don’t have the civility to end things – we have the phenomenon of “ghosting” meaning to just disappear without any explanation. Everyone seems to hate these ‘modern’ dating apps and websites but in our fast-paced lives, there seems to be no other way. We expect to have a wide range of choice in all aspects of our lives and tend to operate from a “disposal” mindset – if something isn’t perfect about a person, we just get right back online without considering giving it a chance”
Tinder Etc Etc
Apps like Tinder put an emphasis on looks versus deeper non-physical qualities. We like what we see so we “swipe right”, knowing virtually nothing about the person – which may be years out of date, skilfully photo-shopped or not even them!
Dating can become a chore – you have no idea why someone is rejecting you and there’s not much you can do about it. The power is with someone else. Sometimes there seems to be so much choice out there, we get overwhelmed. We can be in several texting conversations with different people, plus several conversations on dating apps and sites with no dates planned – ‘dating’ but not actually going anywhere. It can feel exhausting before actual dating even begins.
And when we do eventually meet someone, we tend to make judgements way too quickly perhaps not giving people fair chances.
Is there an alternative?
So what can we do? I guess try to meet someone is real life is a way of side-stepping the internet minefield – friends of friends, friends of work colleagues, joining social groups with people with common interests (for example by going to Meet-ups in your area – find what’s on https://www.meetup.com/ or start up one yourself). If you do want to go the Internet way, choose an app or site carefully – Tinder is not the only app out there and may not be the best one for you.
A useful and fun article in The Guardian in August 2015 look at the whole dating app world and offers its own suggestions.
Need some advice and support?
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationships and dating and would like to talk it over in complete confidentiality, call Alison Winfield, Mindfully Well Counselling Cork on 087 9934541.
Book a counselling session today!
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