STOP – you’re being neurotic!
How can we go about embracing the neurotic lifestyle? The word “neurotic” can conjure images of a certain type of psychotherapy: Woody Allen types splayed out on long divans, with Freudian therapists sitting coolly behind them, asking vague questions about Oedipal complexes. Psychology’s come a long way since Freud, though – in 1994, the condition of “neurosis” was dropped entirely from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, psychiatry’s encyclopedia of mental disorders. Since then, it has been largely replaced simply by “anxiety”.
The idea that I am being neurotic makes me smile – it conjures up either the Woody Allen character mentioned above (Alvy Singer in Annie Hall), Monica from Friends, George from Seinfield or a person’s elderly aunt (when I was growing up in the 1960s) who was described as having “trouble with her nerves”. I often think to myself “STOP – you’re being neurotic!” – the humour of it allows me to pull myself out of it!
So grab your worry beads, your weighted blankets, and let’s take a humorous look at what it means to live the neurotic lifestyle. Spoiler alert: it’s like having a tiny, anxious roommate in your head who never pays his or her rent but always has opinions on EVERYTHING:
1. The art of overthinking: A Masterclass
Every decision is a life-or-death situation. Should I have cereal or toast for breakfast? White or wholewheat bread? What if the toast burns and sets off the smoke alarm? What if the cereal contains too much sugar? Tea or coffee? Do I need caffeine or should I go for herbal tea? Suddenly, a simple breakfast decision becomes a complex web of potential disasters. Oh no, I’ve spent so much time trying to decide and I’m late for work!
2. Lists, lists, and more lists
Lists are a great way of organising our hectic lives. But what if we get “over-listed?” To-do lists, shopping lists, lists of people who owe you money, ists of ideas for Christmas presents, birthday lists, lists of people you owe apologies to because you were too busy writing lists to call them or meet them for coffee…lists on your phone, on your laptop, on a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace.com, says “It’s the attitude we bring to the list that makes the difference. There is always more to do in life. We could be constantly busy, so really we have to make a decision to take time out.” He suggests that taking time out, or practicing meditation, allows us to see which tasks are really urgent and which only felt urgent at the time we wrote the list! https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/10/how-to-stop-to-do-lists-ruining-your-life
3. The perils of perfectionism
Perfectionism is the cousin of neurosis – there’s nothing they love more than to hang out together. Everything has to be perfect, or it’s a failure. Sent an email with a typo? Clearly, everyone who reads it will think you’re incompetent. Bad hair day? Why even bother going outside? Neurotic people know that the only way to avoid these pitfalls is to obsess over every tiny detail until it’s just right—or, more accurately, until you’ve driven yourself mad trying. Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. When healthy, it can be self-motivating and drive you to overcome adversity and achieve success. When unhealthy, it can be a fast and enduring track to unhappiness.
What makes extreme perfectionism so toxic is that while those in its grip desire success, they are most focused on avoiding failure, resulting in a negative orientation. They don’t believe in unconditional love, expecting others’ affection and approval to be dependent on a flawless performance.
4. Social situations: A minefield of awkwardness
Small talk at parties? More like a terrifying obstacle course of potential faux pas. Did you just laugh too loudly at that joke? Did you remember to make eye contact but not too much eye contact? Are your responses witty enough? Did they spot the bit of spinach caught between your front teeth? And did you just accidentally insult the host by saying you don’t like their favourite TV show? Time to replay every conversation in your head for the next week.
5. Hypochondria- a deep daily dive into WebMD
Neurotic people often have a love-hate relationship with WebMD or Mayo Clinic. Every sneeze, headache, or minor ache or pain becomes a deep dive into the worst-case scenario. A simple rash? Definitely a rare tropical disease you somehow contracted despite living in a non-tropical area. Googling symptoms at 2 AM.? There’s no faster way to convince yourself that you’re moments away from an untimely demise. https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/theres-nothing-shameful-about-hypochondria/ This entertaining article traces the history of hypochondria and contains this quote form comedian Tony Hancock: ‘Hypochondria is the only illness I don’t have.’
A healthy, happy and normal neurotic
Finally this excellent article by Forrest Hanson gives some helpful pointers into how to become a perfectly normal and happy neurotic! My next blog continues this theme…
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See also: Embracing the Inner Neurotic, The Self Critic, Self-Compassion Tools
