Stop – you’re being neurotic!

How do we go about embracing the inner neurotic? Shouldn’t we try to suppress it? The word “neurotic” makes me smile – it conjures up either the Woody Allen character  in the above image (Alvy Singer in Annie Hall), Monica from Friends, George from Seinfield or a person’s elderly aunt when I was growing up in the 1960s who might be described as “having trouble with her nerves”. I often think to myself “STOP – you’re being neurotic!” and it makes me smile and allows me to pull myself out of it!

The hidden superpower

Despite all the quirks, neurosis can be a strange sort of superpower. You’re incredibly detail-oriented, prepared for any situation (who else carries a spare of everything in their bag?), and empathetic to others’ struggles because you’re constantly navigating your own. Plus, being neurotic gives you an endless supply of funny stories and self-deprecating humour to share.

Research has shown that those with neurotic personality types tend to be intelligent, humorous, have more realistic (if cynical) expectations, a greater self-awareness, drive and conscientiousness, they take fewer risks, and have a strong need to provide for others. They are also more likely to be creative thinkers. From the evolutionary standpoint, neurotic people are those who tend to think ahead and are more likely to be prepared for possible negative outcomes.  Without them, the human species would not have survived as they alert the tribe to all possible dangers, such as hungry lions.

However, we may need to be a little selective before throwing ourselves into maximum neurosis! How can we do this?

1. Be mindful

Instead of approaching neurotic patterns of thinking, well, neurotically, take a step back as an observer and think about what’s causing the angst. Studies show mindfulness can reduce how often you have negative thoughts and increase your ability to let go of them. Pause, take some deep breaths. It may sound totally trite but this can help you create some distance from the intensity of the experience, and you might realise that your reaction is out of whack with the situation itself.

   2. Practice self-acceptance and a little reframing

When neurosis strikes, we might give ourselves a little loving kindness and compassion; we’re doing the best we can. 

Those of us with a neurotic personality might also reconsider the ways we frame our worries. A swathe of recent research has shown that our attitudes to anxiety often determine how it affects our mental and physical health. If we believe anxiety to be damaging, then we tend to take longer to recover from stressful events and suffer more long-term consequences from the experience; if we see anxiety as a source of motivation and energy, however, we tend to perform better and recover more quickly after the stress has passed. Although the mechanisms are still being explored, it seems that this more positive view of anxiety stops us from descending into counter-productive rumination about our worries, and helps to bolster our confidence in our ability to cope. 

One study, which tracked a cohort of German doctors and teachers, found that this attitude completely buffered the detrimental effects of heightened anxiety over the course of a year. With further research, it may turn out that the shift to healthy neuroticism can be achieved through a simple change in mindset.

New research suggests that neurotic personalities coped surprisingly well with the uncertainty of Covid-19. The study in question looked at American employees’ sense of powerlessness just after the US government had declared a state of national emergency. As you would expect, everyone started to feel helpless at the beginning of this period, but the researchers found that people scoring high on neuroticism tended to recover the feeling of autonomy and control more quickly than those who had more laidback personalities.

3. Embrace normal neuroticism

I really love this quotation from Forrest Hanson on what he calls normal neuroticism (and it IS 100% normal and human!)

“Rather than focusing on what a small number of people might be able to accomplish under perfect circumstances, I suggested a new target for people living under constraint: normal neuroticism. The normal neurotic is someone who experiences typical human problems: they’re anxious sometimes, they don’t always do what they should, and they experience their fair share of conflict with other people. They’ve got their own internal bullshit, but they’re making it work in the course of a normal, human life.”  

Isn’t that lovely?! So, here’s to my fellow neurotic friends. Embrace your inner overthinker. Laugh at your perfectionist tendencies. Revel in the hilarity of your hypochondria. Because if you can’t laugh at your neurosis, at least you can Stay

Stay neurotic, stay fabulous!

Remember, the world needs us neurotic people. Who else is going to make sure the door is definitely locked (for the seventh time) before we leave the house?

Need some advice and support?

If you are struggling with any of the issues raised in this article, or indeed any other emotional issues or life challenges and would like to talk things over in complete confidentiality, contact me:

See also: Managing Anxiety, Managing Stress, The Stress Cycle